Snyder's Side: Article 3
The Laws Of Life!
I can't take credit for coming up with these, but they're just too true at times for me not to share. Ask yourself just how many can you relate to?
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch
or you'll have to pee.
Happens all too often to
me!
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
This happens at least once every time I'm
in the garage!
Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity
of your act.
Nah, never happens to me. (you know I'm
lying)
Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
A lot of people call me this
way.......
Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Well, not a flat tire, but that's all I'm
saying about that.
Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to
move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Preach on, brother -- I
believe!
Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Exactly the reason I take a phone with me
into the bathroom. But then, it never rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you
are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
I'm never seen with anyone
anyway.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Computers, cars, household appliances, cable
boxes -- all the time.......
Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Proven by people wearing casts all the world
over!
Law of the Theater:
At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive
last.
And they always want to walk past
ME.
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to
do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
That's the reason I quit drinking
coffee!
Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent
lockers.
I tend to avoid locker rooms and learned
to change clothes in a toilet stall -- if there's two next to each other
in there, we have problems!
Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Not just carpet -- heck, it could be on dirt.
Usually it's the last piece of bread, too.
Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.
Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Many I've met are called
"engineers."
Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Hey, my shoes aren't
ugly.......
Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
They need to teach this to those
engineers.......
Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making
it (this one is true every time)..
Like Crystal Pepsi, Dutch Apple Pop Tarts,
and Oldsmobiles.
Doctors' Law:
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time
you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay
sick.
If you have the money to pay the doctor's
bill, you can't get an appointment until you use the money to pay for something
else. Then you'll get the appointment and have to cancel it, bringing
back the illness with a passion.
One more law I've seen before (and it always applies to me):
When working on any machine, your innacuracy with a hammer or sharp object
when removing or adjusting an inexpensive part depends on the proximity of
a very expensive (and hard to find) part, which you will damage beyond
recognition. This part will render the machine totally useless until
you replace it.
Got any others you can think of? That's all for now, I need to use the five-pound sledgehammer to "adjust" my Rolex.......
Take Care,
KS